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Charlotte Mason in Modern English
Charlotte Mason's ideas are too important not to be understood and implemented in the 21st century, but her Victorian style of writing sometimes prevents parents from attempting to read her books. This is an imperfect attempt to make Charlotte's words accessible to modern parents. You may read these, print them out, share them freely--but they are copyrighted to me, so please don't post or publish them without asking.
~L. N. Laurio
pg 168
Chapter 16 - Discipline: A Serious Study
for Parents
Discipline
is not Punishment
People sometimes ask, 'How is Discipline handled in your educational
system?' We'd be encouraged that such a question showed a spark of
interest in our work if we didn't suspect that the person asking the
question probably uses the word 'discipline' synonymously with
'punishment.' That suspicion puts me in an attitude of protest. First
of all, we don't have a 'system' of education. We believe that great
things like nature, life and education are secluded from living when
they're systematized. Yes, it's true that we do have an educational method, but method is merely a
means to an end. It's as relaxed, flexible, and accommodating as Nature
herself. Method only has a few broad laws and the details are worked
around them to make them fit in the same natural way that a person
works around the law that fire burns after he's recognized that law.
But system,
on the contrary, has all kinds of rules and instructions about what to
do and how to do it. When it comes to education, method humbly follows
Nature. It stands aside to give Nature first priority.
A
Method is Not the Same as a System
System seeks to lead Nature.
It tries to assist, supplement, and rushes in to take over
pg 169
the very tasks that Nature has taken care of herself since the
beginning of the world. Nature provides every young thing, whether it's
a kitten or a child, with a wonderful capacity for inventive play. But
that's not enough for System, who says, 'I can help out here. I'll
invent games for the child and help his play along. With my help, I can
make more use of the child's ability to play than Nature knows how.' So
Mrs. System 'teaches' the child how to play. The child enjoys it, but,
unfortunately, the spirit of play is taken from him. When he's left to
himself, he has no initiative to play by himself. And System does this
in many areas. System is meticulous and enthusiastic and produces
impressive results--in the teacher!
Wise
Passiveness
But Method, on the other
hand, seeks a 'wise passiveness.' If you watch Method's teacher, you're
hardly aware that he's doing anything. It's the children who take the
initiative rather than the teacher. But, somehow, the result is in the
children instead of the teacher. Every day they develop and become
persons more and more, with
'Firm reason, temperate will,
Endurance, foresight, strength and skill.'
These are the golden fruits that ripen under the eyes of parents who
are wise enough to know the difference between the role of Nature, and
the role of the educator, and who sympathetically and dutifully follow
the lead of Nature, the great mother.
Some may say, 'So then, you have no discipline. I didn't think so. I
imagine anyone could get results by leaving children to themselves and
keeping
them happy. Aren't children always good when they're happy?' Not so
fast. A person who seeks to follow a great leader needs to make an
effort
himself, patiently and persistently. Nature is a divine leader, and
anyone who follows her leading will be blessed, but the
pg 170
way is steep to climb, and the path is hard to find. This kind of
uphill work should never be confused with leisurely strolling along,
making up the rules as we go.
Any parent who wants to provide the substantial part of his children's
education needs to prepare himself for noble thinking and humble
living--I'm talking about the highest kind of thinking that's possible
for human beings, and the most simple, direct kind of life.
The whole concept of discipline, for example, is one of the major,
comprehensive ideas that will inform and direct the life of the parent.
It can't be compiled into one neat, simple rule that's easy to remember
and easy to apply from time to time. 'If Thomas is naughty, spank him
and send him to bed.' That's the kind of simple rule that's handy to
have around, and it's what many people mean when they talk about
discipline. Now, I'm not saying that punishment will never be
used--quite the contrary. In the same way, I'd never say that a
laxative would never be taken. But punishment, like laxatives, should
be a last resort measure that only happens occasionally at the worst.
The use of punishment and laxatives can be decreased according to how
careful we are to maintain healthy conditions of the body and mind. I'm
in no hurry to lay down specific rules about punishment. Herbert
Spencer might not have said the final word, but he has given us a
convenient rule to go by.
Punishment
by Consequences
Let the natural consequences of the offense punish the child. Carrying
out this suggestion to the letter could sometimes mean permanent, or
even fatal injury to the child's body or emotional well-being. You
can't allow a lazy child to be punished by letting him remain
uneducated and ignorant. You can't allow a stubborn, reckless child
to break his arm.
pg 171
But, if the situation has gone far enough to make punishment necessary,
then the punishment should relate to nature of the offense. A child who
refuses to eat his oatmeal should have to do without his cinnamon bun.
At any rate, this is a type of punishment, and possibly the closest
thing to natural consequences that should be used.
Children
Sometimes Enjoy Punishment
But parents should face the fact that children sometimes enjoy
punishment. When they're punished, they find the opportunity that's
common in storybooks but rare in real life, to show resolution in the
face of a difficulty. Often, a child who is being punished is enjoying
himself immensely because he's respecting himself so much.
Heroism
in Suffering Penalties
There's a bit of heroism in suffering a penalty that can remove any
sense of remorse for the offense. An adventurous little boy who accepts
his punishment with a dignified air isn't so much a bad, hardened young
offender--he's an opportunist, making the best of what comes his way to
get his own real education. But the distress of his mother, or his
father's disapproval, are very different. They don't carry any
compensating sense of fortitude. These kinds of considerations make us
think twice about corporal punishment--not because we're over-sensitive
to the suffering of the child, since we need to enable him to endure
hardness in order to make a man of him, but only because it's not easy
to find a punishment that doesn't defeat its own ends.
Wrongdoing
Followed By its Own Penalties
A light slap from the mother when her little child is naughty can be
effective and educational. It changes the direction of the baby's
pg 172
thoughts, and he no longer wants to pull his sister's hair. But a slap
should be a last resort, to be used only when no other way can be found
to divert his thoughts. With an older child, the aim of punishment is
less on distracting the thoughts and more on forming a new association
of ideas. The goal is to attach certain forms of inevitable pain and
penalty to certain forms of wrongdoing. We know all too well that this
is what life itself teaches, and we should make sure our children learn
this in their education. Our own experience goes to prove that every
time a law is broken in thought or action, there's an immediate or
remote penalty attached. A child who never learns that 'every deed will
be punished or rewarded in due time' is sent out into the world like a
new, untrained recruit being sent out to the front line.
My point is twofold: (a), that the need for punishment can mostly be
prevented, and, (b), that fear of punishment is rarely as strong a
motive as the temptation to do the wrong thing.
Punishment
Does Not Reform
If punishment always reformed and could always cure us of all those
sins we tend towards, then the world would be a very pleasant place.
After all, no kind of crime goes unpunished. I don't mean that
punishment isn't necessary, or that it's useless. But it is inadequate, and it barely
addresses our goal. Our goal isn't to address and avenge the offense.
Our aim is to correct the issue of character that's behind the
offense. Perhaps Jesse tells a lie and we punish him for it. That
appeases our sense of justice for the offense. But I doubt any
punishment could be invented that would be drastic enough to cure Jesse
of telling lies in the future, and this is the very thing we're after.
We need to
pg 173
look deeper. We need to find out what weakness of character, or what
false habit of thinking, is leading Jesse to tell lies. Then we have to
deal with this bad habit in the only possible way--by forming an
opposite habit of right thinking that will make Jesse grow up into a
true man. One lady described a single conversation when her father
cured her of lying by setting up a totally new train of thought when
she
was a child. 'I don't think I've ever told a lie since then,' she said.
Good
Habits are the Best Teachers
Our idea of discipline isn't sporadic spurts of punishment, but the
constant watchfulness and attempts that form and maintain the habits of
right living. Looking at it from this perspective, the best
disciplinarians are those parents who work along the methods we've
indicated. Every habit of courtesy, consideration, order, neatness,
punctuality, or truthfulness, is a teacher itself, and each of these
habits manages life with unfailing diligence.
A habit is formed very easily, and compels right action strongly. Most
parents would work diligently if every month of work could guarantee
their children a large amount of money in the future. But a single
month is all it takes to begin to form a habit in his child that will
be so valuable that mere money is trivial in comparison. We've often
emphasized that modern science has discovered a great aid for
educationalists--the fact that every habit of life makes a physical
impression in the brain tissue. Everyone knows that we think in the way
we're used to thinking, and we do the things we're used to doing. Ever
since man began to notice how his own mind worked, this law of habit
has been common knowledge, and has been acted on more or less by
parents and
pg 174
others who raise children. A well-brought-up child is always a child
who has been carefully trained to have good habits. But it's only been
in our current time that we've known how to lay down definite laws
about forming habits. Until now, any mother who wanted to train her
children to have a specific habit was discouraged by a sense of
helplessness.
Always
Reminding
'It seems like I'm always reminding her'--to keep her closet neat, or
to
hold her head up and speak politely, or to be prompt and careful when
doing a task, says the poor mother, with tears in her eyes. And, to be
sure, this constant reminding is wearying for the mother and
discouraging because it's so hopeless. She continues to remind only to
clear her own conscience, because she stopped expecting any results a
long time ago. And everyone knows how dreary a task can be without
hope.
But maybe the child's own mother doesn't realize how incredibly
wearisome this unproductive nagging is to the child. At first he's
annoyed and impatient under the chatter of idle words. Then he
tolerates
it because it's inevitable, and, finally, he's hardly even aware that
she's said it. Does this make an impression on his character, truly
form the habit? No. All this effort is wasted. The child does the thing
when he doesn't have any other choice, but he evades it as often as he
can. And his poor disappointed mother says, 'I know I've tried as hard
as anyone to instill good habits in my child, but I've failed.' She's
not totally disheartened, though. Her children may not have the habits
she wanted to train in them, but they grow up to be warm-hearted,
good-natured, bright adults, children that she has no need to be
ashamed of. Still, her sense of failure is something to be taken
seriously.
pg 175
Perhaps our failures in life are mostly due to our own faults. For that
reason alone, it's not enough to send children into the world with no
more than the character they inherit from their parents.
Some
Practical Suggestions
Let me offer a few specific practical suggestions to the parent who
wants to deal seriously with a bad habit. First--Remember that this bad habit
has made a real, physical impression in the brain. Second--There's only one way to
obliterate that physical impression, and that's to absolutely stop the
habit for awhile, say, six to eight weeks. Third--During this six to eight
week interval, new growth in the form of new cell connections are
somehow being created, and the physical foundation of the bad habit is
being naturally healed. Fourth--But
the only way to get this to happen is to introduce some new habit
that's as appealing to the child as the wrong bad habit you want to
cure. Fifth--Since the bad
habit generally comes from some fault in the child's character, it
shouldn't be too difficult for the parent, who knows his character
better than anyone, to introduce the opposite good habit. Sixth--During a time of cheerful
conversation between parent and child, use a tale or example or other
way to introduce the new idea. Get the child's will on your side. Seventh--Don't tell him to do the
new thing. Instead, quietly and cheerfully watch to see that he does it
in every instance. Diligently watch, and during this whole time, keep
stimulating the new idea until it captures the child's imagination. Eighth--Watch extra carefully for
any recurrence of the bad habit. Ninth--If
the old habit pops up, don't let it go. Let your disapproving
estrangement be felt acutely as a kind of punishment. Let the
pg 176
child feel ashamed not only because he did something wrong, but because
he did wrong when it was just as easy to avoid doing wrong and do the
right thing. Most of all, be disciplined in praying and teach your
child to rely on God's help in this spiritual battle while not
neglecting to work hard himself since it can't be done without his own
effort.
The
Nosy Child
Sarah is an inquisitive little girl. Her mother is surprised and not
always pleased to find out that her little daughter is constantly
trying to find things out. Even the servants talk among themselves
about her prying and poking. If her mother is engaged in conversation
with a guest or the nurse, there's Sarah, right beside her, from out of
nowhere. If a confidential letter is being read aloud, Sarah manages to
be within earshot. When her mother thinks she's put a certain book out
of reach where the children won't find it, Sarah volunteers to bring it
out. If she tells her husband that the cook has asked for a couple days
off, Sarah jumps up and volunteers all the details about why. 'I really
don't know what to do about her. It's difficult to put my foot down and
insist that she shouldn't know about this or that. Each individual
thing in itself is harmless, but it's unnerving to have a child who's
always poking around looking for gossipy information.' Yes, it is
tiresome,
but it's no cause for despair. It's not even a reason to think badly of
Sarah, or accept the inevitable.
The
Fault in Her Character
Attributing Sarah's problem to an excess of curiosity that's gotten out
of hand, her mother looks for the positive quality that this stems
from, and she feels encouraged about Sarah. Her problem is a passionate
desire for knowledge that's gone too far and has been allowed to occupy
itself on unworthy objects. When an opportune moment comes,
pg 177
Sarah should be introduced to some fascinating subject, such as nature,
that will occupy all of her prying tendencies. Once the new idea has
taken possession of the little girl, there should be some discussion
about how unworthy it is to fill one's mind with trivial matters so
that there's no room for anything really interesting to get in. For a
few consecutive weeks, make sure that Sarah's mind is too busy with big
matters to entertain trivial ones. Then, once the nosy habit has been
checked, encourage her active mind in some kind of definite progressive
work on subjects that are worthwhile. Then Sarah's nosy curiosity will
no longer to be a trial to her parents.
Paraphrased by L. N. Laurio
Please direct any comments or questions to me by emailing me at cmseries-owner at yahoogroups dot com.
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