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Charlotte Mason in Modern English
Charlotte Mason's ideas are too important not to be understood and implemented in the 21st century, but her Victorian style of writing sometimes prevents parents from attempting to read her books. This is an imperfect attempt to make Charlotte's words accessible to modern parents. You may read these, print them out, share them freely--but they are copyrighted to me, so please don't post or publish them without asking.
~L. N. Laurio
pg 13
Chapter 2 - Submission and Authority in the
Home and in the School
Part
II. How Authority Behaves
Mistakes
made on Principle
Mr. Augustus Hare has what some would call a bad memory--he
remembers every single insult and offense that's ever been done to him
since his birth! That's why his book, The
Story of My Life, isn't pleasant reading, even though it's full
of interesting details. But that's just more evidence we need to
consider about childhood. Hare has provided us with a very valuable
lesson about childhood--although his instruction tells us more about
what not to do! His adoptive
mother's fine character and beautiful nature might never have been
known to the world if he hadn't published her book, Memorials of a Quiet Life. She
dearly loved the son she adopted, but she misinterpreted her role as
mother. Yet the mistakes aren't the errors of an unworthy or even an
ordinary woman. Mrs. Hare always acted on principle. When she erred, it
was because the principle was faulty. She mixed up the two
pg 14
principles of authority and absolute rule. She thought there was some
intrinsic value in the arbitrary actions of a parent, and the better a
child is at doing what he's told, the better a person he is. The more
outrageous the command, the better the child for obeying it. Here's an
example [from Augustus's memoirs]
of what even a loving mother can do under such confusion: 'In the past,
I had never been allowed to have anything but roast mutton and rice
pudding for dinner. But now everything was different. The most
delicious puddings were talked about, described in tempting,
mouth-watering detail, until I became, not so much greedy, but curious
in wonder about them. Finally, the grand moment arrived. The wonderful
puddings were set on the table right in front of me. But then, just as
I was about to take my first bite, they were snatched away and I was
ordered to get up and take them to a poor family who lived in the
village. I remember that, although I didn't care a bit about the
deprivation of the delicacies, I did care about Lea the cook's outrage
at the fate of her beautiful puddings. But, after all, it wasn't my
fault.' And here's another example of an arbitrary ruling: 'Even the
pleasures of being home on Sundays were spoiled in the summer because
my mother gave in to Aunt Esther's suggestion that I should be locked
in the church vestry [a
room where clergy store robes and/or hold meetings]
between services with a sandwich for dinner. The three hours I had to
spend there every week were miserable. Although I didn't expect to see
ghosts, the total isolation of Hurstmonceaux church, which was in the
middle of nowhere, made me feel eerie during my imprisonment. Sometimes
I would climb over the tomb of the two Lords Dacre. It rises like a
screen up one side of the room. I'd be overtaken with a vague horror by
the two statues lying down on top of it
pg 15
silently and unearthly still, making even a rat scampering across the
floor seem as loud as a whirlwind. . . . It was sort of a comfort to me
during the church service to forcefully repeat all the curses in
Psalms, the ones where David showed his most shocking hatred, and apply
them to Aunt Esther and people like her. I supposed that, since all the
Psalms were considered beautiful and used by the Church of England for
edification, their sentiments must have been acceptable.'
And yet, when his mother trusted her own instinct instead of unsound
principles, she was actually very wise: 'I find that, when giving an
order to a child, it's always better not to check up on him to see if
he obeys, but to take it for granted that he'll do it. If a parent
seems to doubt that the child will obey, then there's room for the
child to hesitate, 'Should I do it, yes or no?' If you don't even
appear to question the possibility that he might not comply, he'll feel
that a trust has been committed to him, and he'll keep it. It's best to
never repeat a command, or to answer questions about why it should be
done.'
The
Difference Between Authority and Absolute Rule
Like many other rulers, Mrs. Hare seems to have erred, not because of
laziness or harshness, but because she never defined for herself the
nature of the authority she had to exercise. Absolute Rule is
independent or self-derived power. Authority, on the other hand, is
neither independent nor self-derived. In Matthew 8:9, the centurion
says, 'I'm also a man placed under authority, and in charge of
soldiers. I say to one, 'Go,' and he goes; to another I say, 'Come,'
and he comes, and to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it.'
pg 16
This shows us the powers and limits of authority. The centurion is
placed under authority, or, we might say, authorized. That's why he's able to
say to one soldier, 'go,' and to another, 'come,' and to a third, 'do
this,' with the calm assurance that it will all be done just the way he
said. He holds his very position for that purpose--to make sure that
specific things get done. He is himself a servant with specific tasks,
although his are the tasks of authority. Even Jesus Himself assumed
this position. He said, 'I didn't come to do my own will, but the will
of Him who sent me.' That was His appointment, and the permanent rule
of His life. That's why He was able to speak as someone who had
authority. He Himself knew that he had been given that commission and
was backed up by a higher authority.
How
Absolute Rule Acts
True authority isn't unpredictable--demanding one minute, harsh the
next, and then suddenly indulgent. That's how absolute rule acts. Since
it's self-derived, it has to stay in power by its own force. That's why
it has to be impatient, resentful, always on guard for the slightest
transgression, and quickly offended. Absolute Rule has a stiff code of
penalties, whether it's in a kingdom, a school, or a family. It has a
long list of commands and rules to provide a stern barrier, protecting
the terrible majesty of the tyrant. We all have a natural tendency to
assume self-derived power, even the meekest ones of us. That's why we
need to be on guard. This tendency is exhibited just as much in letting
duties slide and granting special privileges as in inflicting
punishments. It's flattering when a child approaches us in that
charming, pleading way that any monkey can mimic, and begs, 'Pleeease let me stay home with you
this morning, just this once!' If we give in, the next stage becomes,
'I don't want to go!' and
finally, 'I
pg 17
won't!' At that point, the
parent or teacher who's been relying on the power of his own autocracy
will learn that children can be dictators, too--they can be alarmingly
stubborn and belligerent.
How
Authority Acts
Authority isn't harsh or
indulgent. She is gentle, and easy to reason with about nonessential
matters--because she's uncompromising when it comes to matters of real
importance. For those matters, there's always an established principle.
For example, parents and teachers have no right to trifle with issues
that affect the health or duty of their children. They don't have
authority to allow excessive indulgences--like too much candy--or
habits that compromise health. They also can't allow children to shirk
any clear-cut duty regarding obedience, courtesy, respect or work.
Authority is always alert. She always knows what's going on and where
the tendencies towards weakness are. She fulfills the command that 'he
who rules should do so with conscientiousness.' [Romans
12:8] But she's also strong enough to fulfill the other part of
that command: 'Let the person who shows mercy do so cheerfully.'
Leniency at the right time, giving in when it's needed, is the secret
of a strong government. Sometimes it's children, and not their parents,
who are right about an issue. They register a complaint or resist a
mandate, and now it's the children against the parent or teacher. It's
best for the parent or teacher to be in the habit of quickly reviewing
the situation without being obvious. Then, if the children are right,
it will be possible for the adult to gather his wits in time to yield
the point graciously, and send the children away warmed with love and
loyalty.
The
Qualities a Ruler Should Have
Nobody understood this better than Queen Elizabeth. She managed
pg 18
to compartmentalize her personality in such a way that she could be a
model ruler, and, at the same time, a woman who had all the
distinguishing delicacies and vulnerabilities of her femininity. It was
said that she knew when and how to give in. Her skill at dealing with
dangerous crises was highly praised by historians. But it's possible
that it wasn't so much skill as it was tact that comes from having the
qualities that people in authority should have. Those qualities include
the humble reserve of one who's been given an appointed duty, the
willingness to think through an issue and listen to advice and consider
suggestions, the realization that she wasn't the be-all and end-all
because she was a queen, but that she existed to serve her people, and
the quick, compassionate, open-minded sympathy that made her able to
see other sides of an issue besides her own, or, often, in preference
to her own. These qualities are just as appropriate for the 'ruler' of
a family or classroom as they are for the ruler of a kingdom. If a
parent has these qualities, he'll be able to manage and control a
lively young brood full of energy and high spirits as well as Elizabeth
was able to manage her kingdom at a time when men's minds were
grappling with new
ways of thinking and life was intoxicating with the delights of new
possibilities.
Mechanical
Obedience and Reasonable Obedience
It's not easy to distinguish the line between mechanical and reasonable
obedience. I heard a very successful mother say, 'I teach my children
obedience by the time they're a year old,' and that does seem to me the
age when children should begin to have the habit of obeying lawful
authority that will make their lives easier and more comfortable. Mr.
Huxley told a story of a man who had been a private but had left the
army. He had bought his Sunday dinner from the deli and was carrying it
home. A sergeant
pg 19
recognized by the way he walked that he was a retired soldier and
decided to play a practical joke on him. He called out, 'Atten-TION!'
and the man snapped to attention while his meat and potatoes rolled
into the gutter. This kind of response is a matter of nerves and
muscles, an automatic habit that has nothing to do with deliberate
moral consciousness. It's fashionable these days to write off anything
except reasonable obedience, as if we were creatures made of nothing
but mind and spirit, or as if our bodies responded to a bidding of the
spirit as immediately as a ship responds to the turn of the helm. But,
unfortunately, we're weak. Our bodies only respond to spiritual
biddings if we've trained them to respond in automatic mechanical
obedience. We all know children who are wholeheartedly willing to do
the right thing mentally, but their bodily inertia is strong enough to
resist torrents of good intentions and noble resolutions. If we want
our children to be able to keep their bodies under control when they
grow up, we need to do it for
them now, while they're still young.
Submission's
Response to Authority is a Natural Function
The daily routine of obedience in small things helps children to
fulfill a
natural function--submission's response to authority. Some might say
that a child who has acquired the habit of involuntary, mechanical
response has lost that much power as a free moral agent. But the
actions that are usually trained in this way are physical efforts:
'Hurry back,' 'Sit up straight,' 'Tie your shoes quickly.' They're part
of the same training that it takes to master the body so that it's a
machine that's able
to do many different things.
pg 20
To be able to manipulate a machine like a computer keyboard or a
bicycle, the most important element is practice. It takes being able to
do it automatically, without having to think about it. Giving a child
this kind of power over his own human machine, in the beginning because
someone else is making him, but later because he's making him do it
himself, helps to make a man of him.
The
Habit of Prompt Obedience
We hear all the time that people don't fail in life because they lack
good intentions. Usually it's that their physical bodies have never
acquired the habit of prompt, involuntary obedience. The man who has
the power to make himself do what his mind wills can achieve anything.
It's up to parents to give their children this kind of power by making
it a matter of habit. Someone may ask, isn't it better and superior to
train children to always respond to spiritual direction as it speaks
through their conscience? The answer is that we can do both. Most
conscientious parents are going to involve their child's conscience in
the course of their upbringing. And life itself will provide enough
opportunities in the lives of both children and grown ups when
decisions will need to made based on spiritual reasons, times when it
will be up to us to consciously and voluntarily choose good and refuse
evil because we know that's God's will for us.
The
Effort of Decision
One famous preacher was right when he said that the effort of decision
is the greatest effort in life. We know it's true from our own
experience:
should we take this action or that? Should we buy cut pile or loop pile
carpet? Should we send our son to this school, or that one? We all know
how difficult such decisions can be, and the stress
pg 21
and wear on the nerves caused by a heavy decision is apparent by the
nervous headache we sometimes get afterwards. That's why it's a
blessing that we're created so that many of our decisions are already
made for us. Ninety nine out of a hundred things we do are done, for
better or worse, by habit. Our brain tissues have a wonderful ability
to record repeated actions and, with the right stimulus, reproduce
them. That helps to ease the burden of life, making it easier for us to
be light and happy like children, which is what God intended. Yet, even
with this provision for building habits, it's an appalling shock to
find that there are lots of thoughtful parents whose children spend
their lives in day-long struggles over decisions that their parents
should have settled for them. Megan is nervous, high-strung, her mind
can't keep still, she's obsessively organized, looks pale, and is
developing compulsive mannerisms. She's taken to the doctor. He doesn't
know much about her home life and decides that she's exhibiting
symptoms of over-pressure. He suggests that Megan not do school lessons
for six months, be taken to a different location for a change of air,
and be put on a bland diet. Somehow none of that helps. She doesn't
improve, and the parents fail to see that it wasn't the routine of her
school lessons causing the exhaustion, but the fact that poor Megan is
having to go through the labor of decision-making twenty times a day.
Added to that is the stress of daily battles of will to get her own
way. Every trivial matter in the course of a day becomes an issue of
debate, nothing is ever just a matter of course. The child always wants
to do it some other way, or to do something else altogether, and
usually does. No wonder she's so worn out!
pg 22
Authority
Tries Not To Offend
On the other hand, children are, if nothing else, reasonable beings. To
some acute, intelligent children, an arbitrary command that appears
unreasonable is severely unnerving. It's not a good idea to indulge
children with detailed explanations every time they want to know why a
command is given, but wise parents will find a balance. They're careful
to develop habits in their children that will make the routine of day
to day life run smoothly. In the unusual event that requires a new
regulation, they might casually comment on the reason for doing so, but
if that's not convenient or possible, they don't mind resorting to the
most important reason for obedience: 'because it's the right thing to
do.' To put it plainly, authority tries its best not to give reason for
offense.
Authority
is Alert
Another illustration of the appropriate use of authority is the way a
well-run government works. The role of prevention is fully recognized. The
police, army and navy are mostly preventive forces. And the family
authority is wise to follow their example and have its own Advance
Notification System. It's good to give some warning before potential
scenes of conflict: 'We'll have just enough time to finish this chapter
before the
clock strikes seven,' or, 'We'll be able to play one more time around
before bedtime.' Wise mothers know well how important it is to
give children time to collect themselves for a decisive moment. This
time should be spent finishing something enjoyable. Every moment of
indecisiveness at this critical time helps to set up the inertia that
works against obedience, and that inertia is difficult to overcome
because the child's own willpower is in a state of suspended animation.
A little forethought and planning helps to arrange things so that games
and projects come to an end at the right moment and bedtime doesn't
pg 23
arrive right in the middle of a chapter, or at the most exciting part
of a game. If that happens, Authority, from its perspective of seeing
past and future, might
graciously afford to give a five minutes grace period, but wouldn't
allow that to extend to dawdling indefinitely while saying good-night.
Who
Gave You This Authority?
We hardly need to add that authority is just and faithful when it comes
to keeping promises. It's also considerate, which is why a good mother
makes the best Ruler in a home--she's in touch with her children, knows
their unspoken ambitions and understands their half-formed dreams. If
she can't give in, she tries to divert and redirect. She never rules by
crushing with a sledge-hammer--a tool of power that children somehow
never sympathize with.
Diversion, or changing children's thoughts, is such an important tool
when it comes to forming habits. Let's not 'despise the day of small
things' or 'grow weary in doing good.' If we train our children from
the youngest ages to prompt mechanical obedience, we'll reap our
reward. But if we haven't done that, we'll just have to work towards it
little by little with ever-vigilant efforts. We'll have to use
authority that never procrastinates and never gets aggressive. Our
children will gain 'the joy of self-control,' and the delight of
obedience that's like proud chivalry and considers a command an
opportunity to serve. It's a happy irony that 'difficult' children who
resist direct commands the most stubbornly are often the quickest to
respond to the novelty of a new idea. The skill of knowing how to
present an inspiring idea is a delicate art that I've discussed
elsewhere.
This is no one-sided arrangement, with all the authority on the
parent's side, and the child having no part but submission.
pg 24
After all, there never was a child who didn't wield some kind of
authority, even if only over dolls or plastic soldiers. And we adults
who are in the role of authority in our families and classrooms are
submissive to anyone who will bother to tell us we need to do this or
that. We don't need to worry that our authority will stifle the
independence of children. It won't.
Authority is more than a gift, it's a grace.
'In the same way that every shade of the rainbow is light,
So every one of the graces is a different shade of love.'
Authority is just one part of the love that parents give to their
children. Parents know that it's love because, to them, it means
continual self-denial, self-repression and self-sacrifice. Children
recognize it as love because, to them, it means quiet peace and joy in
their hearts. Perhaps the best help for those in authority over their
families is to ask themselves every day the same question that was
asked presumptuously of Jesus: 'Who gave you this authority?'
Paraphrased by L. N. Laurio
Please direct any comments or questions to me by emailing me at cmseries-owner at yahoogroups dot com.
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